Safe for work, I promise


If you were searching for “nude penisman” and came across my post, I’m sorry you probably didn’t get what you were searching for. As a self-imposed challenge that came about from a post by the hilarious Lucy’s Football, I am writing a post that will use the phrase “nude penisman” as gratuitously as possible.

If one were searching for “nude penisman”, and presuming they were searching for something safe for work, I ponder what they might be searching for. In San Diego it is (un)commonly known to the locals that there is man who rollerblades down by Mission Beach on an almost daily basis. This is nothing special, except that he does in almost entirely in the buff. He is usually in a very revealing thong of some sort, sometimes he is wearing less. On holidays such as the Fourth of July, he will decorate his … ummm … “firecracker” with some sparklers and other attention drawing objects. On Thanksgiving his “turkey” has been known to have feathers not so strategically placed. Perhaps this is the “nude penisman” one is searching for.

In the U.S. there are some races that allow for naked runners. The Bay to Breakers race in San Francisco is one of the most infamous ones that I can think of. Closer to my living quarters is the Nearly Naked Mile, which is held every November in Reston, VA. It’s probably only a mile since it’s November and it’s Virginia. We wouldn’t want “nude penisman” to lose his claim to fame to frostbite. Since the full phrase in Lucy’s post that was being searched for was “nude penisman from hot continent pics” I have to stretch a bit for this guess, but if you’re looking for “nude penisman from hot continent pics” then one is probably looking for a continent where people run. Maybe not.

Perhaps there is another explanation out there. Perhaps one is searching for Halloween costumes and just mistyped. Yes you can find a costume and dress up as a giant penis. If you’re headed out with your partner for some Halloween fun, they can dress up in the accompanying vulva costume. I wish I was making this up, but I’m not. Perhaps one was searching for the one night stand they had so many Halloweens ago when they were dressed as a vulva and they spent a night of passion with their “nude penisman”. I’m not here to judge. I just want to help these two find love again.

Whatever the reason is that you’re searching for “nude penisman” just make sure that you do it in “incognito mode” when using Google Chrome. It may be best to scrub your history and cache. You may also wish to bleach your eyeballs afterward and lock yourself in a padded room while the memories haunt you.

deuce

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5 comments

  1. I followed a link here. The Deuce Bigalow pic made it worth it.

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    1. But not the words that I wrote?

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      1. Words come and words go. But Deuce? He’s forever!

        Like

  2. EXCELLENT use of nude penisman. Now YOU will be the go-to for search terms for this phrase. I pass the mantle over to you; please use it wisely.

    Like

    1. I salivate over the amount of traffic my blog will get from this search term.

      Like

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